A Better Deal
This is a portion of a rejection email I got for trying to be funny:
This has some nice moments, but it's not a great fit for us.
But I've decided to share this with readers and followers here on Substack. I hope you find more nice moments in it than the editor did!
In Tom Jones, Henry Fielding has an interesting conception of his role as a novelist and what he offers me as a reader. It goes thus: Here's a table prepared for you. Yours is to sit and eat. And mine, despite hours of labor in the kitchen, is to provide you with a detailed recipe in case you need one. In short, you get a novel and an MFA. He assures me:
How pleased, therefore, will the reader be to find that we have, in the following work, adhered closely to one of the highest principles of the best cook which the present, or perhaps that of Heliogabalus hath produced.
This doesn't look like a deal that will stink. I will definitely get more than my I will be paying for.Â
I am long overdue for a good book deal. Most of my previous deals went like this: I got a menu, and when I made a choice, I got taken to the kitchen, where I was presented with the ingredients, an apron and told to roll up my sleeves.